My wife is crazy
by Death and Berry
Summary: My name is Ichigo Kurosaki. I'm a 26 year old married man and a captain of the Gotei 13. Oh, yeah, and my wife is crazy. Ichiruki. Rated T for language.
1. Apples

My wife is crazy

.

.

.

"ICHIGO! DID YOU PICK UP THE BASKET OF APPLES LIKE I TOLD YOU TO?!"

Ichigo Kurosaki froze instantly. He was on his way to the bathroom -for a pretty urgent #1, if you might ask- when he heard Rukia yelling from the kitchen. And he knew that tone, oh boy and only too well. He was in it and he was in it deep to the waist.

She had asked him yesterday to pick up some apples so she could bake an apple pie for his father's birthday, which would be celebrated in the world of the living, obviously.

But, being the very, very busy captain that he is, of course he ran out of time.

She was already mad enough last night when he showed up emptyhanded that this morning, he got up at 5 am only to be greeted with dozens of colored post-it papers on the fridge, each and every one of them showing Rukia's handwriting: _please, honey DON'T YOU_ _ **DARE**_ _FORGET THE APPLES._

Since Isshin's birthday party was tomorrow, that night was the only time Rukia had left to bake this pie, and lord wouldn't she let her husband forget it.

But of course, Ichigo's only reaction was rolling his eyes at all the post-its in front of him when he opened the fridge to take some orange juice. Did she think he had a peanut for a brain? Of course he wouldn't forget! Pfft.

Without any other thought, Ichigo went on with the rest of his day. Now there he was, halfway into opening the bathroom door, as he widened his eyes in pure horror. He fucking forgot those goddamned apples… He actually fucking did. He was completely and totally fucked.

"ICHIGO?!" he heard Rukia shouting again.

 _Bang bang bang bang bang_

Shit! She was walking towards him, and even her footsteps sounded pissed off.

No time to think. Ichigo, as fast as lightning, slid the bathroom door open in and closed it back in one swift motion.

Rukia knocked hard on it as she got in front of the bathroom. _KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK_ "Ichigo," she yelled right after, "I don't see any apples on the counter, _tell_ me you bought them before the store closed, _right_?!"

He felt sweat beginning to form at the base of his neck and he scratched his head nervously, facing the other side of the door.

"One second," he tried to coo as sweetly as he could, "I really need to pee."

That's when the door busted open in a loud _BAM_ , Rukia's glare shooting venom at him as soon as they made eye contact.

"Take a piss after we're done," he heard her say in what could only be heard as Satan's voice itself.

Ichigo let out a nervous laugh while slowly backing away from a now fuming Rukia Kuchiki. "Rukia, baby, don't freak out please. You know I had a lot to do today with my squad," he was almost raising his hands in defeat at this point.

"Ichigo," she snarled, "you've known about the pie for _two_ freaking weeks now."

"Yeah- but it's your pie, you could've bought them too, technically."

He noticed one of her eyebrow twitching. Shit, just say something, _anything_ else.

"Maybe you can give something else to my dad; your pies aren't exactly the greatest food-"

"WHAT?!" the woman yelled in pure and animalistic rage.

Shit. Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Fuck. Shit. Aboard mission.

"I- I mean, you just put a whole lot of salt in your dough, don't you think-"

"I follow the recipe, you useless dumbass!" she cut him before he could finish another sentence.

Ichigo closed his eyes as he expected Rukia's foot to hit his face, his stomach or even his shin, but after a few seconds, no shock ever came. He carefully opened one eye and saw…

…no one.

She was gone.

He walked to where she had been standing just a second ago, then heard her steps going up the stairs. "Rukia!" he yelled, "what are you doing?"

"BURNING YOUR CAPTAIN HAORI!"

He widened his eyes, and started running after her in less time than it takes to say 'fucked'.

"RUKIA! STOP PLEASE DON'T- AAAHHHH WHAT THE FUCK LET GO OF MY UNIFORM! I'LL KNOCK DOWN A TREE TO GET YOU YOUR DAMN APPLES! RUKIA! RUKIA!"

.

.

Yep. I'm Ichigo Kurosaki, and my wife is crazy.

.

.

.

 **A/N: There will be more of these, if you guys like it. :)**

 **I do not own Bleach.**


	2. Anniversary

My wife is crazy

.

.

.

Ichigo Kurosaki sighed deeply, trying to let go of all today's stress by doing so. Even though he was making remarkable progress with his division, it seemed as if paperwork would just keep piling up every hour. Sometimes he'd have nightmares where he saw himself dying, not during battle, but rather struggling for air under an immense mountain of paperwork. Yep, that's how much he despised it.

So his way of relaxing after that kind of day was simply lying in the grass, Rukia by his side drawing gentle patterns on his arms as they watched the dark sky, the moon and the stars hanging up above them.

Suddenly his mind clicked, and he remembered that tonight was a special night. He blinked and a delicate smile drew itself on his face. He brought his mouth closer to Rukia's ear and whispered "Happy anniversary."

Rukia didn't move at first. Ichigo was about to repeat his words when the woman on his chest lifted herself up on her elbows and shot him a weird look. "We're April 10th."

Ichigo didn't move an inch. "Yeah. It's our 5th year anniversary." Rukia squinted her eyes. "Of when we started dating," Ichigo added, his tone becoming slightly more impatient.

Rukia suddenly changed position again, this time moving sharply to go into a sitting position, her hands pressing on the ground on both sides of her body. "Are you serious? We started dating on May 3rd Ichigo! That's when people found out about us, thus made it official!"

It was Ichigo's turn to squint his eyes and narrow his eyebrows. "What?! No it's not, Rukia! Byakuya caught us kissing on _APRIL 10_ _TH_ , then went to see my sisters and my dad to tell them to say their goodbyes since he was going to kill me, then my dad told everyone we were together."

Rukia huffed in a frustrated way, her eyes now widened in annoyance. "Yeah and that happened ON MAY 3rd!" she yelled at him.

Ichigo sat up straight in a 90 degree angle, almost nose to nose with his wife. "Jesus Christ, Rukia! How do you even know you're right and I'm not? We never celebrate that stuff, so why would you remember the date while I wouldn't?!"

Rukia rolled her eyes and threw her hands in the air. "Well, maybe because _I_ ," she emphasized the last word, "do not have the memory of a clown fish!"

Ichigo's mouth slightly dropped as he widened his eyes. "CLOWN FISH MY ASS! YOU HAVE THE LONG TERM MEMORY OF A RABBIT-"

Rukia got on her feet in the blink of an eye and pointed a mad finger at her husband. "HEY, do _not_ bring Chappy into this, you imbecile!"

Ichigo groaned and rolled his eyes, annoyance and frustration taking over him by the second.

That's when Rukia started stomping away from Ichigo. The man got up and quickly shook the dirt off his uniform. "Rukia, where are you going now?!" he screamed as he began to follow her out of the meadow.

"To our barracks!" she screamed back. "There's the picture Yuzu took of us together that day that your dad told everyone about us, and there's a date written on it! So I'm gonna show you, and you'll see how _I,_ Rukia Kuchiki, am _never_ wrong!"

"Well, your technical name is Rukia Kuchiki Kurosaki, so I guess you're already wrong about that," Ichigo muttered under his breath, thinking about how Rukia had insisted on keeping her first family name after their wedding. You know, Kuchikis and their pride…

Unluckily -or luckily, Ichigo decided- for him, Rukia was too busy walking angrily in front of him to even hear the words her husband had just spoken.

As they were getting closer to the barracks, Ichigo noticed a certain red-haired baboon standing in the way, his hands in his pockets.

"Yo, guys. I was about to go get some drinks, do you guys wanna-" he stopped suddenly as Rukia stormed passed him, almost knocking him out of her way in the process.

"For fuck's sake," Renji muttered as he subtly rubbed his elbow. He then turned to face Ichigo. "What did you do this time, you moron?"

Ichigo scowled. "Wha-?! What makes you think _I'm_ the one to blame here?!"

Renji was about to scoff when Ichigo noticed Rukia almost getting out of his sight. "Rukia, wait!" he yelled and started running to catch up with her.

Renji blinked as he stared at their retrieving figures, a deep frown taking place on his face. "Che, what great friends do I have."

.

"Rukia, god this isn't the end of the world, you don't have to run away from me like the plague." Ichigo said as he entered his and Rukia's Barracks, seeing her already opening a wooden box that was hidden in a drawer in their small living room. She casually ignored him and blew on the box to clear up some dust that had accumulated on top. Ichigo let out something between a grunt and a sigh as he walked to Rukia and sat down next to her on the floor.

She opened it right away and started digging into the pile of photos. Yuzu had given them this box of memories so they would always have a side of Karakura town if ever they wouldn't be able to come visit for a long time. Ichigo thought it was rather sweet, but god, she took _way_ too many pictures.

"Ah-hah! Found it!" Rukia yelled in victory. The image showed the two of them standing next to each other, and Ichigo noticed he did look a bit younger back then, while Rukia looked exactly the same as she did today. He was blushing furiously and had his palm facing the camera, sadly, not close enough to the lens to actually hide their faces. And Rukia just seemed, well, clueless about what was happening.

Just before his wife was about to turn the photo around to see the date, Ichigo spoke, "Wait."

Rukia stopped her movement and turned to look at him, a questioning look on her face.

Ichigo started grinning. "How about we make a deal out of this?" he asked. Rukia blinked in response, then slightly frowned. "If it really is May 3rd," Ichigo continued, new assurance gradually taking over his facial features, "I do whatever you want me to do. But if it's April 10th, _you_ do what I want you to do." He had a full on smirk at this point.

Rukia kept her steady frown, her eyes not leaving him even for half a second. "And what it is you want from me, if _ever_ you're right?" she asked him, slightly suspicious. "Not that you will be, though."

Ichigo's mouth opened to reveal a mischievous teeth-showing grin. "I want you to wear that little black lacy outfit Matsumoto gave you that you never dared putting on for me."

Rukia slightly backed off, her eyes widening and her cheeks immediately turning a light shade of red. "What?!" she yelled at him. "I promised myself I would _never_ wear such a ridiculous outfit, not even for you!"

Ichigo rolled his eyes and shook his head at his wife. How could she still be shy like this after five years? "I am pretty positive you would _not_ look ridiculous in it."

Rukia blushed harder and averted eye contact for a second, a hard expression on her face. "Well, forget it! I'm not doing that!"

Ichigo smiled in the corner of his mouth. "If you're so sure you're right, why are you even thinking you'll have to do it?" Rukia stared at him, then huffed. "I guess you're not so confident about your argument, after all…" Ichigo added.

"Che, of course I am!" replied Rukia, "Alright, I'm in, but when you see that I was right, you'll be incredibly sorry mister, cause I'm making you admit in front of your whole squad that your wife is always right!" The petite woman crossed her arms under her chest proudly, a small smile on her face.

Ichigo gulped. Shit. She would make him embarrass himself in front of his squad?! That was a cheap shot…

But he couldn't lose face right now. He just couldn't. Plus, it was his idea to add the deal.

Damn, he just hoped he was right about their anniversary date.

Ichigo frowned slightly and cleared his throat. "Uhh…okay. Deal."

Both of them shook hands, sealing their new agreement. Rukia, with a new confident smile, picked up the photo, and slowly turned it around…

… **04/10**

April 10th. Oh, my god.

Rukia's smile fell in a second, just as Ichigo's eyebrows raised up on his forehead and his mouth opened in victory. "YESSSSS! I WAS RIGHT! AND _YOU_ , WERE NOT! HEHEHEHE!"

Rukia's eyes remained stuck on the picture, as if she didn't want to believe what her eyes had just witnessed, and her mind, registered. Ichigo got on his feet to celebrate. He just wasn't used to winning with Rukia; this was a moment to remember!

"So," he spoke once he was done jumping around like a child, a _huge_ smile on his face, "I guess you owe me now, huh?"

Rukia suddenly seemed to come back to reality as she deeply scowled and got up, her hands curled up in fists. "Shut up, you pervert! No way in hell I'm doing that!"

Ichigo let out a proud and playful laugh. "Oh, but you have to, baby. You wouldn't want to break your Kuchiki honor now would you?"

Rukia angrily fumed in place. "I didn't promise anything! It was just a stupid deal anyway!" she said as she turned her back to her husband and began walking out of the room. "I knew what I was doing, I just wanted to give you a chance for once!"

Ichigo's smile completely fell as he understood she really wouldn't let him get away with this one. Did he really dare think for one second he'd actually win against her?

"What?! Rukia, come on, we shook on it…Rukia?!"

.

.

.

Definitely crazy.

.


	3. Feet

My wife is crazy

.

.

.

Ichigo Kurosaki was sleeping peacefully and pretty darn comfortably in his bed when he suddenly felt an inhumane force kick him right at the base of his spinal cord.

"ARGH- What the?!" a beastly grunt came out of his throat as his eyes jerked opened.

"Get up, lazy ass," he heard his _oh so gentle_ wife say. "It's already past 4:30 a.m."

Ichigo groaned loudly. "It's Saturday, idiot; we don't have to get up."

After a whole minute of silence, he thought she had gotten back to sleep.

If only he was so lucky…

"But our day off is next week, isn't it?"

Ichigo scowled deeply and pressed his entire face into his pillow, growling in sweet agony. "Noooo, Rukia. It's today. Remember, we hadn't had a day off in months."

Once again, his wife remained silent for a few seconds, but it wasn't long before he felt her moving next to him until she cuddled herself up against his back.

"Thank god," she said with a sigh. "I'm exhausted."

Ichigo frowned. "Yeah, me too. Thankfully you made sure to wake me up, though. I don't know what I would do without you," he groaned, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

He could've sworn he heard her laugh devilishly behind him. "Aw… You're welcome honey."

"Pffft." Ichigo rolled his eyes, getting more pissed off by the second.

"Now shhh, I want to sleep." Rukia said as she sighed deeply.

Ichigo's frown deepened near the breaking point and he gritted his teeth, trying to calm himself.

 _I think I might throw her off the bed…_

A couple of minutes passed before he started to slowly relax. Their bed was so damn comfortable, he could easily fall back asleep, right? Finally some well-deserved rest… Hell he could even sleep until three in the afternoon if he wanted to, he had the whole day off!

As Ichigo started to dive into pure bliss, he felt sleep quickly gaining control of his body. Maybe a few more seconds and he'd be deeply and completely asleep…

Something of a deadly cold suddenly squeezed itself in between his thighs.

Something freezing.

Something as icy as ice itself.

Something lethal.

Rukia's glacial feet.

Ichigo jerked awake and his heart literally stopped beating at the contact of Rukia's feet of DEATH with his own, perfectly warm skin. He then heard himself let out a monstrous, piercing scream of pain. "AAHHHHHHHHH-"

His suffering didn't even come to an end since Rukia made sure to KEEP HER FREAKING FEET ON HIM. As fast as he could, Ichigo snapped her feet away from his body with wide eyes and a rapid heartbeat.

"RUKIA!" he yelled at the lieutenant, who, might he add, still had both of her eyes closed.

All he got in response was a barely audible groan from the female.

"RUKIA KUCHIKI!" he screamed again, this time adding her clan name for full effect.

It kinda worked.

"Ichigo," she groaned again. "What the hell is your problem, I'm trying to sleep you know."

"No shit; I WAS PERFECTLY ASLEEP UNTIL YOU WOKE ME UP!" he replied at the top of his lungs.

"Great story. How about you shut up so I can go back to sleep."

Ichigo's jaw dropped at how much of a brat his beloved other-half was being. "Are you seriously not gonna mention YOU putting your cold ass FEET on ME?!"

"Pfft," replied Rukia. "My feet are of a perfectly normal temperature."

"Perfectly normal my ass! It was like someone was shoving a chunk of ice down my spine!"

He saw Rukia frowning in annoyance as she sighed abruptly. "You're such a drama queen, God. This is unbelievable. Why don't you just sleep on the floor and give me some peace."

That was it.

Something snapped in Ichigo's face. He drastically got up from the Queen sized bed, grabbed the edge of the sheets and ripped them off Rukia to wrap it around himself in a rapid swirling motion.

Rukia immediately sat up on the beige mattress as she felt the cold air hit her and saw Ichigo walking out of the room with the covers around him, looking like a total man-child.

"HEY! What do you think you're doing?!" she yelled at her husband.

"Taking what I deserve! And since you obviously can't manage to sleep next to another human being, I'll go sleep on the couch!"

Rukia's nerve popped and she had to stop herself from screaming in pure animal rage.

"I've never met anyone so _immature_!" she yelled at him even though he wasn't in the bedroom anymore.

"Right back at you!" Rukia heard her partner's mad voice from the living room.

Rukia was so sure her husband's plan was to drag her out of the room and run back in there so he could lock her out and sleep on the _bed_ , _alone_ withthe _covers_ that she decided she wouldn't let herself get manipulated so easily. Using three pillows to cover herself up, Rukia Kuchiki eventually fell back asleep, plotting a plan of her own silently.

.

.

.

The next day. 9 pm at night. Ichigo came back home after a full day he had spent dealing with squad problems and paperwork. Shitty day indeed. Plus, his back was still sore from sleeping on the couch the previous whole damn day. Man, that thing was uncomfortable.

The yawning man walked to the bedroom he shared with his wife and tried to open the sliding door. He failed. He tried again…and failed again.

"What the…" he said as he frowned. "Rukia?" he yelled his wife's name.

He heard small footsteps on the other side of the door, then the thing slid opened only an inch wide. The right half of Rukia's face appeared and he immediately knew she was up to no good.

"Rukia, what the hell is going on," he asked in a dark voice.

"Well, since you communicated your desire to occupy the couch instead of the bed, I thought it would only be right to grant you your wish."

Ichigo widened his eyes. "You didn't-"

"So, I got a new lock to make sure you wouldn't come back in here. The couch is all yours!"

"WHAA-" were the alarmed sounds that came out of Ichigo's mouth.

"Goodnight, hun!" Rukia said, faking a sweet voice as she slammed the bedroom door in her husband's face.

"RUKIA! Rukia wait! I didn't mean what I said the other day, you're a delight to sleep next to, I swear!" Ichigo waited for something, anything…but nothing happened. "Rukia, come on that couch is incredibly uncomfortable! Rukia…? RUKIA!"

.

.

.

… Are you sure I told you just how crazy she is?

.


	4. Gift

My wife is crazy

.

.

.

The snow-covered ground squeaked as Rukia stepped outside of Urahara's convenience shop, her whole winter attire on. She looked up at the now completely dark sky and smiled as a cottony snowflake landed on her nose and melted in a second. She then proceeded to look at her watch and widened her eyes.

"Ichigo! Hurry you idiot, we're gonna be late!"

Tonight was Christmas Eve; a very special night for the Kurosaki family, mainly because it was Isshin's favorite holiday and every year he invited all his children to stay and celebrate at the Kurosaki residence. Last year, Ichigo and Rukia hadn't been able to make it due to unexpected squad duties in the Seireitei, so this time they were not allowed, under any circumstances, to miss Christmas Eve in Karakura.

Ichigo rushed out -more like was kicked out of- the store with his own winter coat and boots on. "What time is it?" he asked his wife.

The Kuchiki didn't need to take another look at her watch to answer. "7:30 p.m. sharp."

"What?! That's impossible, we didn't even stay that long at Urahara's." Ichigo grabbed Rukia's wrist in one swift motion in order to examine the watch himself. "Rukia it's _6:30 p.m._! Dinner is at 7:00 and it takes like ten minutes to get there. There's no way we'll be late."

Rukia checked her watch again with a puzzled look on her frowning face. She then crossed her arms over her chest. "Che, I knew that. I just wanted to get you out of there or you would've stayed another hour in to fix your hair."

Ichigo eyebrow twitched. "When did you ever actually see me fix my hair?"

Rukia smirked mischievously as she started walking on the sidewalk however, without giving her husband any answer.

"What the hell does that smirk mean?"

Ichigo soon followed Rukia and they made their way through the peaceful streets side by side, until they reached a very familiar doorstep. Rukia walked up to it first and rang the doorbell.

"Wait!" she suddenly exclaimed, turning to Ichigo. "Where are the presents?!"

"Rukia, relax. I got them," he said and showed her the bag he'd been carrying in his hand this entire time. "Are you nervous or something? This is just my family we're talking about."

"I'm not nervous-" she murmured with frowned brows but was cut mid-way by the door flying open in front of them.

"MY CHILDREN!" Both shinigamis widened their eyes in surprise at the unexpected welcome wagon coming from the one and only…Isshin Kurosaki. "Come in, come in!"

The married couple stepped in and Ichigo closed the door behind him, only to turn back around and witness his embarrassment of a father bringing Rukia in a tight hug. "My third daughter, oh how I've missed you!"

Ichigo frowned as he put a hand on Rukia's shoulder, gently pulling her away from his father. "Dad, you're basically choking her."

"Oh my, Papa is sorry Rukia-chan!" Isshin apologized dramatically as he let his grip on her go. "It's just that I haven't seen you guys in months!"

Rukia laughed wholeheartedly. "I'm so sorry we couldn't make it for your birthday this year, Isshin-san."

"It's no worries dear, I know how busy you guys are in the Seireitei." Isshin then turned to his son. "So, Ichigo, how's married life treating ya?" he asked, shooting him a not so subtle wink.

Ichigo scowled even harder as he and Rukia started taking off their coats and boots. "Do you really have to ask me that question every time we see each other?"

Isshin only grinned in response before turning his head to yell behind him. "Girls! They're here!" Then came running out of the kitchen a very excited Yuzu, with a cute little apron tied around her waist and some flour smeared on her cheek.

"Rukia! Ichigo!" she exclaimed with a huge smile on her face. "We missed you so much!" Yuzu hugged both her sister-in-law and her brother, tears pricking her eyes.

"Yuzu, I think you're even taller than the last time I saw you!" Rukia said, honestly amazed. Ichigo scoffed silently. "Or you're just growing shorter," he murmured under his breath.

He saw Rukia shooting him the deadliest look ever while his family wasn't looking and he smirked at her cockily. He could only guess trying to control her psychopathic tendencies not to be an easy task for Kuchiki Rukia.

Ichigo made his way to the living room where a bunch of little white lights were illuminating a small Christmas tree. He smiled at the decorations, which he was ready to bet, had probably been put in place by Yuzu. He then proceeded to take out the three gifts he and Rukia had gotten for his family and placed them under the tree. It wasn't long before he heard footsteps coming down the stairs and saw Karin, wearing a black hoody and black yoga pants grin at him as she crossed her arms.

"Long time no see, big bro."

Ichigo smiled back at his younger sister. "Right back at ya," he answered. "How's med school going?"

"Good. Insane, considering I only started a few months ago, but good." Karin then looked around the room. "Rukia couldn't make it?"

"She's in the kitchen talking to Dad and Yuzu." Ichigo responded, putting his hands in his pockets. Honestly, he was getting so used to wearing a Shihakusho that being in this gigai, wearing normal human clothes felt incredibly…weird. Weird, but not foreign.

Karin grinned again and her face lit up. "Oh, good! I'm excited to hear all the stories of you screwing up and her beating the living shit out of you."

A scowl magically made its way back on Ichigo's face. "As I was saying; so good to see you again, sis," Ichigo said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Karin laughed as both siblings made their way into the kitchen, joining the other three that were apparently giggling about something hilarious.

"What's so funny?" Ichigo asked with frowned brows.

Yuzu looked at him with wide eyes then covered her mouth with her hand, giggling once more. "Oh, it's nothing!"

Ichigo was about to ask again, seeing that all three of them were trying to contain their laughter when Yuzu cleared her throat and spoke again. "Ichigo, I was telling Rukia earlier just how gorgeous her dress is. I mean, doesn't she look beautiful?"

Ichigo shot a look at his wife, who was looking back at him with a slight smile on her lips. Her dress was black and lacy and it fit her small body like a glove, as if it had been made especially for her. It was a simple dress, yet the way she wore it made the colour of her eyes stand out and complimented her every form. She looked absolutely flawless.

Ichigo swallowed and felt heat rise to his face as his own eyes lingered on his wife, and everyone else's fixed on him. He heard Karin scoff loudly. "Are you really blushing? For the love of god Ichigo, you do know that you've been married for three years right?"

Ichigo closed his eyes in embarrassment and frustration as he heard the others laughing. "Shut up," he growled.

Once supper was ready and served, they all moved to the table and ate. Once again, Yuzu Kurosaki had prepared an amazing feast; home-made fried chicken, fish stew, grilled vegetables and oven-baked sweet potatoes. Everyone then moved to the living room where they talked and laughed for hours, reminiscing about old childhood storied and catching up with everyone's lives; Karin's medical school, Yuzu's chef job, Isshin's clinic and of course, the married couple's squad duties.

When midnight came, they decided it was time to share their presents. With the twins unwrapping hand-made trinkets from the seventh district of Rukongai, items Ichigo and Rukia had specifically gotten for them a while ago, and Isshin's usual embarrassing gift-giving, the hour had passed in a blur. A warm, comfortable hour nonetheless.

Ichigo shot a look between Rukia and his sisters, a trio who had been exchanging thoughts on bunny rabbits and zanpakutos for the past fifteen minutes. He noted the sincerity of Rukia's smile as she talked and listened, and his sisters' warmth as they did the same. He smiled to himself. Maybe this was one of those moments. Those moments you remember, for some unknown reason, for the rest of your life.

Eventually though, as the clock kept on ticking, someone was bound of let a yawn escape. And Ichigo had to admit, he was pretty damn tired himself.

"The old man is falling asleep over here," Karin called out with a scoff. "I guess it is getting late."

Ichigo turned around to look at the clock on the wall and noticed it was past two in the morning. He suddenly couldn't supress the yawn stretching at his throat and saw Rukia's hilarious attempt to hide hers with the back of her hand. He scoffed silently.

"I think it's time to call it a night," he said and his father nodded vigorously, perhaps more so than he had intended to.

"Indeed," he old man agreed as he got up. "Yuzu, honey, leave the dishes there, we'll take care of it tomorrow."

Yuzu stretched her thin arms over her head and smiled, nodding. It seemed to Ichigo that Karin was the only one who didn't seem tired. Probably from all those times she had to pull all-nighters to study. He and Rukia walked up the stairs, followed by his sisters. He saw Karin grin.

"Alright you guys, 'goodnight," she said with a wave of her hand.

Yuzu smiled widely. "Sleep tight! See you tomorrow!"

"'Night guys," Ichigo answered as Rukia waved at them after thanking them for the evening. Ichigo then entered his old room, rubbing his face as he heard Rukia shutting the door close behind him.

He yawned a second time. "I don't know about you but I'm too tired to take a shower. I'll just go straight to bed."

Rukia didn't answer, and to Ichigo that meant she had no problem with the plan and was giving him one of her silent agreement. He reached for a pile of clothes, pyjamas, that had been perfectly folded and placed on his bed. He brought the shirt to his nose and smelled it.

It smelled like Yuzu's laundry detergent. It smelled like his teenage years, and it smelled like home.

His lips cracked in a smile.

Wondering why Rukia hadn't moved from behind him, he searched the pile of clothes until he found one of Yuzu's old pyjamas and handed it to her.

"Here," he said. "Brings back any memories?"

Rukia stared at the piece of clothing, blinking quietly until she took it in her hands and grinned. "Sure, does. Time when my humble home was none other than a closet."

Ichigo puffed. "Che, you know you loved sleeping in there. Don't try to deny it."

He thought Rukia might cross her arms on her chest and start to argue, but instead she remained still, her eyes fixated on a random spot somewhere behind him. "Maybe I did." she answered.

Perhaps she was more tired than he'd thought.

Ichigo turned back to face his bed and was about to pull his shirt above his head, planning on changing into his pyjama.

"Wait, Ichigo," he heard Rukia's voice and stopped to face her once more. "Before we go to bed, there's something I…need to do."

Ichigo frowned in mild confusion. There was something fidgety in her voice, was it nervousness? He couldn't be sure. He put his pyjama back on the bed and saw her put hers on his desk before she faced him fully again. "Like what?" he asked.

"I…actually got you something." Rukia murmured as she pulled a small white box from behind her back.

Ichigo stayed silent, slightly surprised, then raised an eyebrow. "We said we wouldn't give each other gifts."

Rukia shrugged. "I know but that's what we said last year, yet you gave me that snowflake and moon pendant."

"I told you, it's only because it made me think of you and I thought you should have it."

"Yeah, well, consider it the same for this gift." She said as she put the small box in both of her hands and lifted it in front of Ichigo.

Ichigo looked at Rukia for a while, obviously unsure of what he would find in there. He then took the box in his own hands, and very slowly, opened it to find…

…a baby pacifier.

He blinked, frowned, then looked at his wife, who was biting her lower lip. "I don't get it," he said.

She smirked devilishly. "It's for you. Because you're a man-child."

Ichigo froze, for a good minute, before he literally exploded.

"Seriously, Rukia? You actually went to a store, bought this, and put it in a box just so you could tell me I'm a man-child? Jesus Christ."

Rukia tried to open her mouth to add on to it but Ichigo stopped her. "You know what, I don't even want to hear what you're gonna say. I changed my mind, I'm gonna go take a shower."

And with that, he stormed out of the room.

.

The water was hot, almost burning but Ichigo didn't care. At first, he entered the shower in an impulse of frustration, soaping every part of his body he could think on just to focus on something else. As the soap washed away and the water temperature decreased, he slowly relaxed, and realized he might've exaggerated a little.

He turned the water off, then got out of the tub, sighing as he passed his hand on the steam-covered mirror.

Had he exaggerated?

Ichigo decided to brush his teeth quickly, then got into his pyjama pants, and finally walked back in the hallway until he reached the door to his old room. He stared at it for a good minute, and sighed right before opening it.

The lights were completely off. He could see Rukia's small figure in the bed under the sheets, her back facing him.

He let out a breath and climbed in the bed next to her, though he made sure to turn his back to her as well. The silence was heavy in the room, and from the absence of steady breaths coming from Rukia's side, he could tell she wasn't asleep.

"I can't believe you actually bought this just to prank me," he said in a low voice. Really, anything to break the silence.

"Do you actually think I'd waste all this time and effort, you idiot?" her voice entered his ear as soon as he finished his sentence and startled him. She sounded even more pissed off than he'd been before his shower.

But then her voice turned soft as she spoke again. "I didn't."

Ichigo frowned in confusion at her change of tone, and at her words. "What?" he said.

"I bought it because…" he heard her sigh shakily.

"…I'm pregnant."

The room fell into silence. Ichigo stopped breathing, he literally did, and judging by the absence of sounds next to him, so had Rukia. He felt his heart stop beating, and after what felt like an eternity, he heard himself speak. "You- you're…what? You're…?"

Ichigo immediately sat up and turned around to face Rukia. She, on the other hand, remained in the same position.

"…Pregnant," she whispered, so low Ichigo almost didn't hear.

Ichigo couldn't feel anything. Not his legs, not his arms, not his face. Then unexpectedly, his heart beat picked up, until it was racing. He was about to get up from the bed and start pacing around when he heard Rukia sniffling.

He looked at her face to see a tear had escaped her eye.

Rukia Kuchiki never cried.

Or almost.

"Rukia, hey," Ichigo spoke softly, though his heart was still beating faster than ever. He touched her shoulder with one hand and to his surprise, she instantly sat up until she was straddling him and burying her face in the crook of his neck, hugging him at the same time.

He hugged her back and kissed the top of her head when he heard her sniffle again. "Rukia," he murmured. "You're going to be an incredible mother."

Rukia went silent for a second, then slowly raised her head to look at her husband. Two traces of tears were visible on her cheeks. "How can you know that?" she whispered in a small voice.

He smiled, a genuine, heart-squeezing smile. A smile they only ever gave to each other. "I just do, because no one knows you better than I do, Rukia Kuchiki."

She blinked away some tears, and smiled back, though a certain uncertainty remained. "Rukia Kuchiki Kurosaki," she corrected him.

Ichigo scoffed in a sudden burst of happiness. "Holy shit, you're really pregnant… We're going to have a child?" he said somewhere halfway between a question and a statement.

"Looks like it," Rukia answered, and now he could see the joy that had been hiding under that mask of fear.

He smiled a wide smile, then pressed his lips to hers, kissing her softly, then deeply, then slowly, again and again and again.

Then they stayed still, holding each other in the dark.

"I still can't believe it," Ichigo said quietly after a while.

" _I_ still can't even believe it." Rukia answered.

"How long have you known?"

"A few weeks… I wanted to tell you, Ichigo, but I just wanted to really make sure first, and then once I was sure I just…didn't know how to tell you."

Ichigo nodded quietly, then scoffed loudly out of the blue.

"What?" Rukia asked him.

"And you decided to tell me like _that_."

Rukia laughed. "Shut up. I panicked and made up some weird excuse."

"Well, coming from you, I wouldn't have expected it any other way." She punched him in the shoulder, although weakly, as a lingering smile betrayed her relief.

"Idiot…" she whispered against his skin.

.

.

.

Yeah, she might be crazy, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

.

 **A/N: Okay, this took an extremely unexpected turn, but after chapter 686, I think it was an absolute necessity**.


End file.
